I am on Blogtalk Radio tomorrow morning, November 25, 2015, at 10AM PST and chatting with Al Diaz about love, romance and Kabbalah! Find me here, http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ilumine-ao/2015/11/25/al-diaz-devin-galaudet-insights-on-finding-love-through-spiritual-solutions/. You can even call in (713) 955-0561.
As you know, every week I answer questions that come to me from real people about love and happiness. And I offer advice toward leading a happier more romantic life. This week’s question comes to us from… let’s just call her Lady X, because there is a lot of personal information here and I want to protect this woman’s privacy
Lady X says, “I’m a physical type (Aroma massage practitioner) and my husband is more of a voyeur. How do I interest him in becoming more physically intimate and playful? “Just plain sex” (for his satisfaction) all the time doesn’t turn me on. I’ve tried different things but he says he’s “not experimental” – he’s a very “busy” person, always has to be doing something, but sadly it isn’t massage or anything that might lead to greater intimacy. We have a very strong friendship and have even worked together for nine years running a restaurant and catering company (we have separate careers now) so all other parts of our longstanding marriage are strong. We can no longer sleep in the same bed, as he is a “flailer” and dangerous to my physical well-being (I had to have eye surgery to repair a torn retina resulting from him hitting me in the eye with his elbow during sleep. I’ve been bruised from being “bashed” while asleep – heck of a way to wake up!). Any advice or insights you can offer would be appreciated (speaking with him about all this doesn’t lead anywhere). Thanks.”
Well Lady X, there are a couple of thoughts that I am having. When we talk about intimacy we are talking about a particular kind of closeness (I think emotional closeness), not necessarily penis and vagina kind of stuff. More often than not it is about love and communication. I think you have to be really clear what you are looking for, and make it really safe for him to provide that.
We are all busy people. People who are reading this are probably doing ten other things at once. Ultimately, I think the goal is asking for your wants and needs from this person effectively. I wrote “Women Are Smarter than Men” because you are. I have also spoken to many men and women on this particular subject. Women tend to speak in a nuanced code – for lack of a better description. It is not necessarily direct (at least for men). Men do better with an exact blueprint to build the house. I have to remind my wife, please be direct. If you want it say, please buy me this thing. You pay for the show ticket. Okay, I will pull out my credit card.
When we are talking about sex, intimacy and love, there is a lot on the line. If we don’t get the answer we want it is easy to get frightened, turned off, or not be 100% honest.
So, if you have not done so yet, I encourage you to be completely forthright. He is your husband. It sounds like he is a good provider and partner in many other ways but it my might be as easy as, I want to be touched like this. I want to be held like this. This idea of being direct may sound unromantic in the beginning but my guess is that if you get precisely what you want from him in terms of love, you’re going to feel a lot better about the relationship. In time, he is going to learn specifically what you’re looking for. If you want him to talk to you, then you have to tell him in the exact words: “Please talk to me” about whatever the topic is.
That’s what I have for now. If you are looking for more love advice, more videos, or my ebook – Women are Smarter than Men (I really blew that on the video), because you are – find me at http://devingalaudet.com. I will be answering questions at least once week, and feel free to ask a question anytime.
And as always, wishing you the best.
And remember Al Diaz and I will chat about Love tomorrow morning on Blogtalk Radio
This one gives me so much hope! Really great helpful answer. And just to see a “feeling” communicative thoughtful man AND a man who is willing to work on a relationship gives me so much hope. Thanks! Not to mention a man who would write a book Women are smarter than Men! Thank you God! : ) I think you are offering hope to a lot of women. Chime in here ladies!
Yes, Michelle, there really are guys out there looking to be part of a great relationship — I promise I am not the only one. So glad you are having hope! I think hope is one of the most important qualities to have in leading a good, happy life.
Ohhhh…thank you! Will nurture and keep that hope burning!