We’re in the middle of our Mystical Solutions to Modern Love program. That’s going really fantastically. Lots of other exciting promotions going on. My wife is in the middle of something, which I will tell you more about in the coming weeks, and into what. We have a couple of things to discuss today. First, we’re gong to get to our question, this week’s question about love and romance, which comes from Sharon, who writes, “How can I overcome my bad relationship past and be open to love again? I would like to, but when I’m around strangers, my insecurities sets in: I’m not good enough, or they wouldn’t find me interesting. Thanks!”
Thanks for reaching out, Sharon. I’m sorry that you have feelings about that. You know, where I come from, after studying the mysteries in Kabbalah for over 20 years, one thing I can tell you for absolute certainty, that we all are remarkable and unique, and you should cut yourself some slack. Here’s the funny thing. When you study Kabbalah, you understand … I don’t know if I may have it down here. I do. I had it from a class that I was teaching. Here is the Tree of Life. If you see the white globe up at the top, that one’s, kether. The idea is there, have much more to do with the notions of what we believe the Divine to be about.
Think of it as about unity, and compassion and ideas around love. Down at the bottom, is our ability to overcome our issues, and our feelings, and our confusions about these ideas at the top. In other words, so we don’t act like a robot all the time, we have to give ourselves the ability to have free will. The free will is making choices, even though we may think otherwise. That means, I’m going to go for it, even though my brain is telling me, I shouldn’t go- … Worthy of going for it. Furthermore Sharon, I would suggest to you, that our main goal is just the reason why we exist, is to actually show love.
It’s kind of a way that from a religious perspective, we can worship God, we can worship the Divine. If you’re a complete atheist, we can worship sort of like our innermost Highest Self, if you will. It’s really not a religious notion. It’s really a love notion. I think that’s sort of like our larger aim and our goal. Honestly, be nice to yourself. Go out into the world and just be open. The inner dialogue that you have is not telling you the truth, and I guarantee you, once you start going out into the world in spite of your feelings, I think you’re going to have some wonderful experiences that will justify … The success will beget itself. I wish you luck, and thank you so much for reaching out, and I wish you nothing but happiness and success moving forward.
I think what I was told to do … This is a suggestion for anybody who’s doing this. I’ve already missed my allotted time, but the idea was, is that when you start your video series, that you always start out talking about yourself. I’m kind of doing that anyway, I suppose, but I think it was more like, “Here’s the biography portion of it.” Like when you write down zero, zero, zero, one, on your very first video, or podcast; whatever it may be that you really … You give your bio. I’ve been sort of doing that all along, but I think I’m going to do it in little bits and pieces, here and there.
Today is one of those bits. Today’s topic is “Why am I getting married 100 times in 100 countries, to the same person?” Yes, I know that’s a little bit of a stretch. It will probably be more fun, I suppose, if I was a guy, getting married to 100 different women. The good news is, I love my wife a whole lot. The basic story is this, when we got married it was wonderful. Long story short, for those who don’t know, I’m in the travel industry. I’ve been writing, and publishing and editing travel for the last 15 years or so. I was on an assignment in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, and it was absolutely beautiful.
Matter of fact, we stayed at the Magna, I think. Yeah, Marriott Magna. It was absolutely stunning, extraordinary. My wife ended up coming on the assignment. To some degree, it was kind of like a work/honeymoon kind of thing. Long story short, we were actually walking with a wonderful travel writer friend, Tammilee.
Hi, Tammilee, if you happen to be seeing this.
We were walking together through the streets of downtown Puerto Vallarta, and we passed by Our Lady of Guadalupe, the cathedral there. It’s iconic. It’s old and it’s beautiful. It’s an active cathedral, so parishioners were there. On a complete lark, I said to my wife, I said, “Why don’t we go inside and get married again?” She looked kind of bewildered, but ultimately said, “Oh no, absolutely. Let’s do that.” Tammilee turned and said, “You know, I’m ordained. Not in Mexico, but I’m ordained.” I was literally like, “Here’s my ring,” and handed it to her, and I said, “Go, you’re presiding.” We marched to the front of that cathedral. I’m going to assume that this was all in sort of the eyes of God, or whatever is going on in that cathedral. We gave Tammilee our rings, and she started talking about love.
She started talking about her relationship. She started talking about why it was special for her. Then there- Kind of saying my vows. I had already said my vows to my wife, but I had known her a little bit better now that she was my wife, so I thought it was important to really talk about not only how much I love her, but why I loved her, what I wanted her to have, how I was going to serve her in the future so that she could have the kind of life that a) that she wanted to have, and I wanted to be of service in any way I could, to help her get that thing. That didn’t promise her a perfect life, but what it let her know is that I was on her team, moving forward.
While I was saying the specific flowery words that I was really sort of ad-libbing on the spot, she welled up with tears of happiness. I knew in that moment, that what I was saying to her had incredible meaning. As in the first question, sometimes as people, we have self-doubts about all kinds of things … Whether we’re worthy of love. In that moment, I knew for certain that my wife knew that I was on her team, that I loved her, that I was supporting her in whatever path her life took, and that I was on her team. She talked and gave me the same sort of thing, and it was really important. Why am I getting married 100 times?
I think when I first said the words of like, “Hey, let’s just go in there and get married.” It was almost like a goof, like, “Oh, this is silly and it’s fun, and whatever.” Now that I’ve married my wife and additional 15 times, what I can tell you out there, men and women, is that the more you repeat the reasons why you love somebody, and the more you repeat, sort of like an over big, giant way to tell them how you feel and what you want for them, and what your hopes are for the future. The more you do that, the better the other person feels, period. I can tell you for an absolute certainty, that my wife loves getting married.
Not because we’re in other countries, or because it’s a hoopla, but because she knows that I’m on her team always. It gives her certainty always. My hope is is that really, I’d love for something like this to just sort of spread like wildfire. If you’re in love with somebody and you’ve already been married, it doesn’t have to be a one time thing. Go get that person and tell them you love them, and go run up, march up for free in a cathedral. By the way, we had people lightly applaud, because there’s people actually praying and hanging around, who were applauding- That’s [inaudible 00:10:41]-. This is Wasabi. He’s sort of like the special dud in our lives.
I can tell you that it was one of the best choices that I’ve ever made. Knowing that my wife feels confident and supported on a very regular basis, like in a special grand way, is wonderful. I can also tell you, that the vast majority of our weddings, so to speak, were really done incredibly inexpensively. We don’t need a grand wedding here that costs $50,000-60,000. Although, if we ever have one of those, then I’m sure it will be wonderful. But it doesn’t have to be a goal. That special day can be many, many, many special days that can be done on regular intervals to include the changes that we’ve become as people, and we can keep planning our future together through these sort of grand ceremonies.
Anyway, that’s what I got this week. Thank you so much. I’m going to be back here next Wednesday, at noon. Until then, if you’re having relationship issues, or you need additional insights, there’s a whole developing slew of stuff that’s coming down here at DevinGalaudet.com. I hope you check it out. I’m Devin Galaudet, and thank you so much for watching. I hope to see you guys next week. Thanks so much.
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