This week’s question comes to us from Ruth, and Ruth writes, “Do you have a strategy or game plan, in place, for keeping your love growing and living – especially during those times when one or both of you feels like calling it quits?”
Thank you for your question Ruth.
I think the goal here is to not get into a position where somebody is calling it quits. This means that somebody might have their head stuck in the sand and not paying attention to the needs of the other person.
However, the game plan for someone who is ready to call it quits, or the overall game plan are really the same. Hugging, kissing, saying, “I love you” for no reason, do things that might be an inconvenience, being supportive, having compassion, accepting the other person’s foibles (yes, I said foibles in a sentence) and being on their team.
And as a friend of mine, Dave, often says – and I say it now all the time because I love it so much – “love is an action and that action is service.” So it means, I offer love as often as possible.
One idea I have spoken with so many people around the world is this, when something goes wrong within a relationship, many people’s reaction is to withdraw, to take away their love from the other person, in the hopes of saying you have hurt my feelings so I am going to punish you or take my love away from you.
The intention may also come from the place of I’m trying to protect myself. I would suggest this is the wrong time to do something like this. When both people are feeling like they need to back away from each other to protect themselves they are pulling love away. When they do that that’s when people find themselves in a position when one person wants to call it quits – and it’s really painful.
So, how do you avoid it? Don’t do it! If you feel like you need to retreat take some space, call a friend, call me. I will help you through it. Don’t pull your love away from the people you care about. Treat each other with kindness. Hold hands when you don’t feel like it. Hug and Kiss each other.
For relationships to work there is going to be ups and downs. Sometimes you are wildly in love and other times it will take a little bit of work. So when it is a little bit of work understand that the longer you are together the better. The problems you get through together the more your partnership can weather the tough patches.